"I'll have the triple-decker please, hold the bun but pass the Mayo"
I swear, if I hear one more person say "low carb" I am going to scream. Well, no, I can't say that because I already have. Twice. So what is the next step, clobber them over the head?

20 years ago it was low-calorie/low-sugar. Then, its was low-fat. Now, it's low-carb. DID IT EVER OCCUR TO ANYONE, THAT THE FOOD ISN'T THE PROBLEM?????
Damn it feels good to get that off my chest.

I don't care if people are losing 100 lbs on this diet. Someday, they're going to get tired of worrying about their carbs. So they'll start eating them again, out of control, to make up for all the times they didn't. And they will blow up again.

Someone will have Curl Envy
BOY, am I going to laugh at all the curly-haired women that have had their hair "thermically straightened", when curls spring back to life in the cycle of fashion. I already hear them moaning and complaining that their hair is too flat and it won't curl anymore. Well, DUH. It never ceased to amaze me, how in the late 90's, everyone had either that disgusting helmet "rachel" haircut or the most boring, limp flat hair, and called it sophisticated. First of all the helmet head- pardon me, the "Rachel" haircut- made everyone look at least 50 years old. Can you say, "news anchor"?? And second, flat hair is boring and unflattering, unless it very long, very thick, and very shiny. And only a very few people have that whole winning combination.

In a few more years these "termically-straightened" women are going to be kicking themselves in the ass because the only way they'll get rid of their straightened hair will be to painfully grow it out and then cut it off. HA HA.

Coffee is a Gift from Above
I'm supposed to be working but I am SO tired. Everytime I hear something about the importance of sleep, I have to laugh. WTF? Believe me, sleep isn't that important. I mean, it IS, but you won't die. Take that from a new mother who slept for only one and a half hours per night for four months. Granted, I started losing my mind, my short-term memory was shot and I couldn't remember my own name.
But, I survived.
Many months later, I get to sleep through most of the night. But, it isn't good sleep. .. I don't think once you become a parent you can ever really sleep again. You hear everything, every stir, every breath, every creak in your house.
So, how do I deal with this severe lack of so-called "necessary" sleep? I turn to my favourite legal drug, that divine gift, the natural mood-enhancer, gift from above... CAFFEINE {enter the angelic voices and shine a heavenly light upon the word itself}. Coffee has been linked to everything from high-blood pressure to enhanced feelings of well-being in depressed patients. Well, frankly, I really don't give a rat's ass what the self-important medical community has to say about it, wether it be good or bad. Caffeine is GOOD. It tastes good and is good for you (hey, isn't that the tagline for Ovaltine?). It temporatily speeds up the metabolism and it gives you a tiny high. It gets you going and improves your general performance. AHhhh, the power of caffeine (hey, isn't that the tagline for .....?)

Can you tell I've had my shot of espresso halfway through this entry?

Britney and my vain personal style
I want Britney Spears' hair. Or, maybe I want it burgundy. I wanted pink streaks but I don't think that will fly over well in my congregation. Maybe highlights?? They're pretty but oh-so College-Brat (and when i think of college girls I can't help but think of the girls that come down for Spring Break, drunk off their asses, skin fried to a crisp, wearing their Mall outfits, screaming in their high-pitched "I'm -a- girl -gone-wild" annoying little voices. And the boys aren't any better). Well I have "non-straightened" hair, so I can't look like a college brat even if I wanted to.
Anyway, I'd love to have really cute Betty Page bangs but my bangs won't lay flat .... they rather bend every which way..... Point is, I'm very bored with my hair and seeing how I'm trying to grow it long, I have to think of something to keep from chopping it off (again). I don't have the time or desire to fry it into a flat-to-the-head-late-90s look, so I guess colouring is my only option at this point. WEAVE!! Can white chicks get weaves?

King Solomon's Harem
Right now I'm obsessed with the great revelation (coming rather late in my life) that men have this primal need to stick their dickies into as many different girlies as possible. That sucks for us women because if you're single, you're used an discarded, and if you're married, you're used and discarded in bed but still expected to do the housework (or, alternatively, you get cheated on. Or both). Imagine being one of King Solomon's 700 wives, waiting endlessly for your turn to get some nookie... can you imagine that??? Not only having to take turns with 700 wives (if you were lucky and really good in bed), but then there were 300 concubines too...... I mean WHY ON EARTH did he have to collect 1000 women?? Way I look at it, a pussy is a pussy, so why does it have to be a different pussy?